Thought for contemplation :
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” –Hamilton Wright Mabie
CONTEXT: The holiday season, while filled with light, can create palpable darkness. This service offers a space to hold your grief sacred and to honor any loss or pain you are feeling. Join us for heartfelt music, sacred solace and reflection. This service includes Christmas, Solstice and Hanukah Music.
For those who are hurting, lonely or sad this time of year, and for those who wish to support those who are, this service is for you.
A time and place to hold grief sacred during the holiday season. Whether it is your Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa or Solstice and Yule, the holiday season, while filled with light, can create palpable darkness.
Together may we offer comfort and solace.
Opening Music
O Come, All Ye Faithful
Contemplative READING & REFLECTION
“When Christmas is Blue” by Kit Dulay
Seated comfortably,
fulfilled yet not
Emptiness resides within
The reasons are clear
Comfortable yet missing a lot
Missing the laughter, the company
Longing for the hugs,
the jokes
Now it’s just the busy city
Full yet it’s empty
Sunny and bright, the sun shines
But it’s too dark to find
The bright faces teasing me
Bright yet so dim to find lines
The tune is jolly, yes it’s true
But I can’t hear a genuine note
Deafening loudness but silence lingers within
Loud and jolly yet silent and blue
The table is full and blessed
But there’s no one to share with
Missing the thirteen pairs of hands used to hold pieces
Delightful yet tasteless
Truly, what makes everything around you twinkle
Is the source that defines their meaning
What you treasure within your heart
when not within reach
Leaves you longing, making the heart crinkle
Eyes searching
Ears waiting
Lips pouting
Nose running
Hands reaching
Smile fades
Heart aches
Tears roll
Wishing next Christmas… it won’t befall
Please take this time to allow space
for that which is weighing on your heart and mind,
for that which is missing,
allow yourself to grieve for what you are longing for.
<<Chime>>
I’ll be home for Christmas
I’ll be home for Christmas
I’ll be home for Christmas
If Only in my dreams
I’ll be home for Christmas
I’ll be home for Christmas
I’ll be home for Christmas
If Only in my dreams
If Only in my dreams
Special Music #1
“I’ll be Home for Christmas” by Kim Gannon and Walter Kent
Message Part 1:
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
It is the Fourth Sunday of Advent, with many Christian and Christian-esque congregations around the world lighting
the 4th Advent Candle.
(Candle of Peace, also known as the Angel’s Candle. (Preceded by Candles of Hope (Prophecy Candle), Love (Bethlehem Candle) and Joy (Shepherd’s Candle)) Faith – all depending on faith tradition the order of candles.
Hanukkah also begins today.
And it’s Winter Solstice in just three days time.
Yesterday, December 17th, would have begun the ancient Saturnalia celebration, from which many of this season’s holiday traditions are influenced by.
Originally a three day celebration, Saturnalia eventually extended to seven days.
During which all business and work were suspended.
During that period,
Time, thoughts and activities were focused on
commemorating and memorializing the season.
The fact that most traditions of old designated multiple days,
even weeks, as holy times for their celebrations, festivities and contemplations can perhaps help us understand the congenital nature of the seemingly ever-extending Christmas season.
Much to the ire of some.
Christmas decorations in stores and street corners for months before the actual calendar date of Christmas.
Radio, television and internet commercials,
even whole stations harking all manner of holiday jingles.
Let alone holiday muzak adorning elevators, grocery stores and airwaves virtually everywhere we go.
Realistically, in the Malls and a significant number of store aisles, it began to look a lot like Christmas in September! Maybe even August.
But now. Mid December. It is in full array.
The lengthy and complete saturation of such
as a season that is unabashedly characterized
as Merry and Bright and Joyful,
can be devastating long and disheartening to those experiencing grief.
Grief due to loneliness, anxiety or despair.
The loss of a loved one.
Loss of a job,
financial insecurity, food insecurity,
loss of a home,
a painful and/or life-threatening illness,
the death of a cherished pet,
a relationship break-up,
a family in crisis,
stress at work or in one’s home lives.
Indeed there are many things that cause stress and tension.
Amplified ever more in the glaring brightness of the holidays.
Yes, regardless of the circumstance,
if we are carrying grief with us,
it often seems heavier and more claustrophobic
more unavoidable
and more sharp and painful
when bumping up against Christmas’s enthusiastic banter and would-be jubilee.
The holiday season is simply not easy for everyone.
Let alone Merry.
Let alone Bright.
For some, the holidays are a time of great loneliness and sadness.
Holidays can be emotional and challenging times
laden with sadness, worry and fear.
Honoring grief, even allowing acceptance for it to exist
within this season’s joyful, if theatric, display
can be a respite, even healing balm, to those in need.
Yes, the holidays, while filled with light, can create palpable darkness.
Especially in locations and regions such as ours where we have
the added complication of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affecting many.
A “winter blues” or “seasonal funk,”
that in and of itself should not be dismissed.
Combine that with the manifestation of a post-trauma like response to all that the holidays entail, darkness can seem to swallow up the light.
Warding off the darkness,
physical, emotional and mental, is not a new concept.
It is an ancient one.
Evidence indicating as far back as the Stone Age Neolithic period.
Neolithic monuments such as
Maeshowe <“MaizeHow”>in Scotland and
Newgrange in Ireland
are built to align with sunrise on the winter solstice.
Theories suggest they were part of ancient religious rituals commemorating the shortest day of the year.
And there are many such sites, small and large, around the globe with similar assumed purposes.
Stonehenge in England is oriented toward the sunset
of winter solstice.
Also considered a center for spiritual
worship and rituals for the Stone Age people,
its design specified to
align on the shortest day of the year,
indication of the significance of honoring
this season of darkness even then.
Perhaps imploring the light to return.
Perhaps expressing gratitude for the time of rest.
Moving forward through time,
In the days of ancient Egypt.
Egyptians who, during solstice, decorated their temples
and homes with evergreens and wreaths;
To the cultures who in their worship of trees,
also giving special attention in winter,
to the symbolic nature of the evergreen plant life
that did not die from year to year
as the deciduous trees seemed to.
Celtic Druids who decorated evergreen trees at Yule
with items most dear to them
and the Scandinavians (Vikings) who first brought the trees inside in wintertime
and the Saxons who placed candles upon the branches,
to the Christian and Jewish adaptation and absorption
of such rituals
into this holiday season.
Nature’s timeline, greenery and light are key elements
to virtually all wintertime holy days.
Religious, spiritual and secular alike.
Whether centered on solstice or lunar cycles;
Whether in the name of a revered holy one, or miracle;
Whether accompanied by
White Lilies, Poinsettias, Mistletoe;
Wreathes on front doors, garlands on banisters
Candles on trees, in windows or Menorahs,
There is light everywhere the eye can see
During this time of darkness.
Special Music #2
“Mary Did You Know” by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene
Message Part 2:
There is a prevailing sentiment, even in ordinary non-festive time, that to be spiritual
(or high functioning if speaking purely secularly)
one is to focus solely on positive things.
In fact there seems to be intense aversion to do otherwise.
To focus attention on sorrow and sadness,
on worry and grief,
is deemed by some a poor use of time
and a path to more pain and sadness.
While there is truth that lingering on sadness,
being in a constant or even frequent state of overwhelm
can and does create patterns of repetitive,
and even unnecessary, anguish.
Yet, there is plausible benefit
to allow room
for deep sorrow to have its space.
For it will have it’s space,
of that there is no doubt.
You can push it away,
Attempt to bury it,
Or coat it with other more positive feelings.
Yet Grief, if not attended to,
if it is not given its much needed space
to be acknowledge and felt and heard,
It will find devastatingly creative ways to manifest in your life.
Allow space for your sacred sadness.
Allow space for your grief.
Especially during the holiday season.
Give yourself that gift.
Give yourself the gift of holding your grief sacred.
Holding your grief sacred during the holiday season
is essential.
To honor the pain you are feeling,
with the hope of creating a place of sacred solace and reflection.
Do so in a manner that feels right to you.
Ritualize your grief in a way that helps you carry it.
Give tribute to it so that it is heard.
Share it, if you are at all able, so that the burden isn’t overwhelming.
Do what you can to find joy during the holiday season.
But don’t torture yourself
if joy is not within your reach right now.
And for those loving someone who is in a place of distress,
who is struggling in ways seen and hidden.
Help them in ways you can that meet their needs AND
give yourself permission to embrace the joy of the season.
No one needs to be a martyr during the holidays.
It is possible, practical and incumbent to hold these two truths:
– The holidays are wonderful, merry and bright.
– The holidays are hard, dark and dreary.
For some, it’s one or the other.
For most, it’s both.
If you are feel sad, please don’t feel obligated to live up to
some ideal of merriment.
If you are feeling joyful, please don’t feel guilty.
Meet yourself where you are.
Let go of any willingness to be presided over by other people’s expectations and beliefs about grief, about joy, about you!
Be gentle with yourself, and with those around you.
Share as much love as you can.
((those who tuned in live received a copy of the Blue Christmas book)
The Blue Christmas guided meditation book.
is designed to be used as a self-led retreat
to guide you during quiet reflective moments.
It is where you can contemplate and document
your inner-most thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
It can also be used for small group ministries
And for families and friends seeking to open up
authentic conversations about how they are feeling
and what the holiday season means for them.
It includes a Holiday Exercise at the back,
as well as additional Thoughts for Contemplation.
My wish for you is that the Blue Christmas book may be a source of comfort and a companion if needed to light the way during the holidays.
If you are doing alright this holiday season, or if “Christmas” is just not your thing, try one my other guided meditation and reflection books and you may select one of those instead.
May you seek comfort in moments of uncertainty.
May you allow yourselves comfort when it is offered to you.
And find ways of offering comfort to others in need of it.
May you find new ways of being comforted as necessary.
Whether your hearts and minds are filled with joy, melancholy, anxiety or sadness,
May you have peace.
Peace in your heart
and peace in your mind in the days and weeks to come.
May it be so.
Amen and Blessed Be.
Shall we sing our closing song together. Written by Peter, Paul and Mary, it is hailed as a Hanukkah song that unites and promotes peace.
Closing Music:
Light One Candle – Peter, Paul and Mary
SUGGESTED SONGS:
Song #1:
O Come, All Ye Faithful
Song #2:
Wyrd Sisters – Solstice Carole
Song # 3:
“I’ll be Home for Christmas” by Kim Gannon and Walter Kent
Sung by Lorijana Laurinskaite
Sung by Michael Bublé
Song #4:
“Mary Did You Know” by Mark Lowry and Buddy Greene
Sung by Pentatonix
Song #5:
Light One Candle – Peter, Paul and Mary
Suggested Children’s Story/Stories for all ages:
“The Winter Witch” by Clay Bonnyman Evans, illustrated by Robert Bender
