Category Archives: Grief

Four Years

Blog, Grief, Twinkle's Musings

It has been four years since my sister took this picture. Four years since we were called to the hospital. Four years since we prayed in desperation to Gods that not all of us believe in. Four years since we asked everyone we knew to pray with us. And, by “pray”- I mean beg, bargain and plead to any and all unseen forces that may take pity upon us and change this tragic course that was unfolding swiftly in dazed slow motion. Four years since we waited vigil by his bedside for four days for good news that would never come. Four years since we had to say goodbye to this earth angel. Four years since all our lives were devastated by the loss of Riley. Four years and the anguish still accompanies this week like an unrelenting shadow even in the noontime sun. Four years.

#WhenYourSonDies

#CherishYourLovedOnes

#EveryMomentCounts

#LifeIsPrecious

#YouHavingLivedChangedEverything

#YouHavingDiedChangedEverything

#FSeptember

#Grief

#GriefSpeaksOut

#LivingLifeAsAPrayer

Riley Dai June 9th, 1997-September 20th, 2019

Mother’s Day Grief

Blog, Grief, Twinkle's Musings

As we pack up our house on Lancey Street in preparation for our move to Moosehead Lake, I am finding all kinds of things in boxes as we sift and sort. I came across this Mother’s Day card from my Riley a couple weeks ago. Joy and Grief immediately began to battle it out. JOY whispering compassionately that there was such tenderness in Riley’s heart and that I need to remember his sweetness. GRIEF flauntingly reminding me that I will never again receive a Mother’s Day card from Ry, or a card of any kind, let alone a hug or see his smile beyond those which reside in memory and in pictures. GRIEF – the coward – rarely travels alone, often brings REMORSE as his preferred companion.  The message in this card particularly poignant, and foreshadowing as much of his life was.

Everything is still very raw. I keep telling myself it hasn’t even been two years. I hope that someday when I find treasures like this, that my mind gently embraces the gift. There was such tenderness in his heart. I miss him every day.

#MothersGrief#WhenYourSonDies#LivingLifeAsAPrayer

the triage of grief

Blog, Family, Grief, Twinkle's Musings

They sat with me for hours in this spot. Sometimes talking. Much of the time just being still, gazing at Autumn’s tranquil beauty and listening to the sounds of the Lake. 

For some this may look like healing. 

I know with experienced certainty it is not. 

Not yet. 

This, this is the perpetual triage of raw grief. 

Keep the body still.

Regulate the breath.

Quiet the mind.

Assess the wound.

Allow tears, laughter or lethargy to come.

Keep in check the anger.

When there is energy, do something useful, purposeful.

Ardently cradle the sorrow when it assails.

Repeat.

We are each processing Riley’s death in ways we can. Thank you to everyone who has brought us meals, and sent us cards, and held me in your arms or with your spirit. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your love. You are a blessing to us, to me. Thank you.

~ Twinkle

#ThatsWhatFriendsAreFor
#SoulSisters
#PiecesOfPeaceOnEarth