Day 23:
Making the Darkness Conscious
For more years than I can recall, I have been afraid. Afraid of dark things – no — afraid of unseen things, or perhaps, the possibility of seeing the unseen. I recall being afraid of ghosts and demons and all manner of things mostly felt in old homes we lived in, dark city streets and woodland paths I would walk. I recall being afraid of basements and attics, dark rooms and empty homes. And being home alone – I was afraid of that, and also afraid of having the music too loud, or the vacuum cleaner or hair dryer on which may inhibit my ability to hear some one, or some thing, approach.
I realized about 8 years ago that the once familiar feelings of uneasiness had dissipated, not disappeared, but were not so strong as they once were.
When I bought my big ole farm home two years ago (that by anyone’s mystery-movie-measure may appear on the outside-looking-in to be “haunted”) I had passing thoughts that I may well be afraid to be alone in my home.
But upon arrival I have felt safe here.
I can go to the attic without qualms, and the basement too (most of the time).
I love being in my home in darkness.
I feel no longer afraid, but rather wrapped up in comfort by the darkness.
My home, as large and looming as it looks on the outside, is my haven.
I feel loved here. Even when I am alone.
I know Carl Jung would acknowledge with even a passing glance at my history, both childhood and adulthood, that I have faced and overcome certain psychological and physical ‘demons.’ I acknowledge that plays an enormous role in my now affection for the dark. Also, though, the other part of this freedom in the dark – -as I have not ruled out that there are things unseen that we cannot or will not fully recognize or accept who may or may not have ‘evil’ ‘negative’ intentions and influences. (ghosts, elementals, other dimensional beings, residual energies from prior times,… the list goes on…) I have come to let go of the fear of what I cannot yet see, and the fear of the possibility of seeing what I am not yet able to.
At least this self-assessment holds true most days.
As a result, most days I feel safe.
In my body, in my mind and in my home.
